What next…?

Christmas has come and gone. New Year has flashed out of sight. It feels like all the many months in between stretch before us in never ending monotony and dreariness.

January is pretty much the month of letdowns. Deflation. Anticlimax. We get our credit card bills and hope they got the name, address AND reference number wrong at the top of the page with big numbers on… The sad and partially eaten-by-the-cat Christmas tree comes down. The house looks empty. We go back to work. It feels like we never left. Life has not miraculously changed. We give ourselves Resolutions for the New Year. Things we know we should do but also know there’s not a snowball’s chance in Hawaii that it’d ever get done.

It’s funny, that. I sat in assembly next to my year four class and the headmistress asked what all of our resolutions were. The teachers all said the same thing- “healthy eating/living/gym/personal trainer/swimming pass”. Very nice teachers. Well done. Even if you never try to change or if you sack your personal trainer due to “other commitments”. Uh huh. Yeah. Sure.

You know what my kids said? “I’m going to read to my little sister when I can remember.” “I’m going to be kinder to my Mum. She does so much for us.” “I’m going to try to tell my family I love them. Even when they annoy me”.

Brutally honest some of them were. But the thing that made me proud was the way they wanted to change for the benefit of people they loved. Not all of them. Don’t get me wrong, kids can be selfish too. Even if they never do these things. The way they considered someone else for that moment, thought about how lucky they were to have them, just made me smile.

We could all do to listen to childish innocence once in a while. Think, even for just that moment, about someone other than yourself. The teachers responses didn’t surprise me. That whole ‘look out for number one’ mentality seems to permeate the boundaries of home. I don’t like that and it makes me sad to think my family have to cope with my selfishness.

So my resolution is going to be the same everyday, for every new year we enter. I am going to be more aware. Awareness for me means not taking OH for granted. He does the cleaning, the washing, tidying, cooking, basically everything, and he does it so quietly that I have been completely selfish and unaware of how little  I bring to the workings of our home and relationship. I am going to be more aware. I am going to text my brother more, just to let him know I’m thinking of him. Awareness. I am going to call my Dad as much as I call my Mam. Awareness. I’m going to consider WHY a child says/does things before I dole out the aftermath of judgement. I’m going to be attentive to Jethro, my little guardian angel, because he gives me so much joy, I feel I need to give more back.

That’s really the key here. Giving.

Awareness for me is knowing what I’ve got, being grateful for it and giving it back.

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